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Angelo Merendino's digital book about his wife's cancer battle is titled, 'The Battle We Didn't Choose.'
Fighting cancer is hard, hard work.
Loving someone who is fighting cancer? It’s work, too: the work of being present, empathizing, and bearing witness.
An incredible collection of black and white photographs taken by Angelo Merendino, 40, do all of that and more. Merendino tenderly documented his wife’s cancer battle from diagnosis through treatment and beyond, and has published a digital book that’s available through his web site and through the iTunes book store.
The battle began just five months after they were married in New York’s Central Park, in 2007. Jen was 36, Angelo was 35.
“She picked me up when I was down, and never held it over my head. She just wanted me to believe in myself and follow my dreams. “
They had met in Cleveland, Jen worked at a bar, Angelo was in school. Jen went off to New York City where she took a job with L’Oreal, and eventually, Angelo visited her and confessed how his heart was bursting.
” I couldn’t work up the courage to tell Jen that I couldn’t live without her. My heart finally prevailed and, like a schoolboy, I told Jen ‘I have a crush on you.’ To the relief of my pounding heart, Jen’s beautiful eyes lit up and she said ‘Me too!’”
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Jennifer and Angelo playfully took selfies often, before she got sick, and after. / Angelo Merendino
“One night Jen had just been admitted to the hospital, her pain was out of control. She grabbed my arm, her eyes watering, ‘You have to look in my eyes, that’s the only way I can handle this pain.’”
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Jennifer Merendino's battle with cancer took a bad turn in 2011. / Angelo Merendino
Her cancer had metastasized, meaning it had spread throughout her body. Amid the pain, the chemotherapy, one of the hard parts was seeing old friends keep their distance, Angelo said.
“We found that people didn’t know how to treat us, how to be there for us,” he said in an interview.
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Waiting for the doctor.
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"We loved each other with every bit of our souls." Angelo Merendino
The photography project began in part because of the distance they felt from those friends. They wanted them to know what was happening. So Jen started blogging.
“Jennifer didn’t want to hide what she was going though. She didn’t want people to be afraid of her,” Angelo said.
She would go out on the street, bald from chemo, and he would take pictures of people gaping and staring. They wanted the pictures to make people think, and perhaps to reach out the next time they knew someone fighting cancer.
“I think there were only two times that people actually smiled,” he recalled.
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Smiles from strangers were rare, but appreciated. Angelo Merendino
“There were times when we spent 10 hours in the hospital getting chemo, and there were 10 things to do at home, if someone could send dinner or go to the grocery store, little things like that? Send a text message that says ‘I love you.’ These little things make a huge impact on someone who has cancer.”
Image may be NSFW.
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Merendino has established a foundation to help raise money for women in need who are undergoing treatment for breast cancer. He’s awaiting IRS approval, and hoping to use the money to help by paying to have groceries delivered, or help with transportation to doctor’s appointments.
One of his favorite memories is of their late-night talks.
“We used to ask each other before bed what the best and the worst part of the day was,” he recalled. “The day we found the cancer spread to her liver, we called in hospice that day, I asked her what she loved about that day. I don’t know why I asked that. She said, ‘I loved it all.’”
Jennifer told her husband she didn’t want to be forgotten. He’s made sure she won’t be.
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"I loved it all."
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